I read a status message about a week ago that said something like, “So many people are promoting the idea that we should surround ourselves with only happy people, but that feels wrong in my heart. I want to surround myself with people who need uplifting because that’s what Jesus did…” etc.
I can’t remember who wrote that but I want to thank that person anyway, because something about that comment felt wrong in my heart. It made me stop and think…and think…and think… Anytime someone can give me that much to ponder, I’m grateful. It’s another opportunity to grow. So, thank you.
At first I wondered it my discomfort was caused by the fact that I am one of those people who think it’s important to surround ourselves with uplifting, positive people, because I really believe that we become just like the people we hang out with.
Have you noticed that when a couple is married for a very long time, they even start to look like? Have you notice that some people’s pets even look like their owners? It goes farther than that. Have you noticed that when we befriend someone who is depressed most of the time, or whines most of the time, we start to put a cap on our own sense of joy because we feel bad displaying happiness when those we love are miserable. We feel selfish about that. So we tone it down and adapt to their misery, because as they say, “Misery loves company,” and to add to that, misery really doesn’t want you to wreck its moment with a burst of joy. Misery resents that. Because people are very protective of their right to be depressed. Hold onto that word, “right,” for a second. I’ll come back to it.
I wonder…do they feel guilty for making us feel like shit anytime they show up? Do they do something to lift themselves up to our level of happiness, or try to adapt to that? Is it that Misery feels entitled??? Is it their “right” to feel miserable and our “privilege” to feel happy? Hm… (Zee scratches head and nods to herself…something to think about, eh?) And, while I’m at it, why is it that we cater to misery but not to joy? Well, you can bet your favorite lunch treat that Misery will find its way to your door every single time it finds an opportunity because there, it can GROW and spread and infect you too.
Now, I’m not talking about friends who get down now and then because of circumstances in their lives. We all get that way sometimes. I do, too. I’m talking about people who LIVE in sorrow and suck it dry for all that it is worth.
Soooo…I thought about that status message again and again, and I have decided that I do NOT feel bad about wanting to surround myself with people who lift me up rather than bring me down, because I’m not on this planet to catch all the misery I can, and promote it, spread it, pass it on, and watch it grow like weeds in my Garden of Eden. I mean, look at this world around us! Look at the universe, the amazing cosmos! At night, I literally stare up at the moon and wonder how it just hangs there, mysteriously, perfectly, without the help of crazy glue or strings. Then I go online and look up images on the NASA site, and I am amazed and thrilled to be here. There is so very much to be joyful about, so much to gaze in wonder and awe, and to be thankful for. If you don’t want to go that far, just look at how any simple daisy grows in a field. So much to be glad about. But there are some who would rather look at the dogshit stuck to the soles of their boots. Go figure.
Life is about choices. Being miserable is a choice, just like happiness is a choice. That isn’t just some “New Age” concept. It’s been around since Confucius, who by the way, is also quoted as having said, “Have no friends not equal to yourself.” The thing is, there are some who don’t have a pot to piss in or a window to throw it out of, who are alone, and jobless, and yet some of these people count their blessings. They woke up this morning. Blessing! They can walk. Blessing! They don’t need an oxygen tank to breathe. Blessing! They have legs and arms. Blessing!
Oh wait, a fellow I know doesn’t have hands or legs. His name is Marky Wheels. Marky
plays music and chooses to be happy. He’s one of the most amazing, uplifting people I ever met in my life – bar none! He has sparkling blue eyes and the most infectious smile. What a beautiful human being. Marky is able to play his music out on the street corners, where people toss coins into a hat or jar, so he can scrape out a living…but he’s able to breathe and wake up each morning. Wow, is he ever grateful for that! Thank God for Marky.
Before you go on, please take a couple of minutes to watch this short video about Marky’s life. Those few moments will change how you view the choice between misery and joy: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XIP1cC-R-3c
So I think about Marky and then I think about these other folks who are downtrodden and sorrowful, and who just love to drag you down with them. Who do you suppose I would rather hang out with for a day? To those who have made that choice of life-long sorrow, I will say this: I won’t deprive of you of your right to it, but I will exercise my right to decline in the sharing of it. Go see Marky for a day!
What a narrow-minded little species we are. When some guru, like Wayne Dyer, says, “You must love yourself first, or you won’t be able to love anyone else,” those who don’t understand what that really means automatically come to the conclusion that this is an All-access Pass to Selfishness. Then we have the die-hard Christians on the complete other side of the frame that say, “You must care for others first, or you are not a true Christian.” So, they turn around and deny themselves everything so that others can have, and they walk around displaying their own somberness as if it were a badge of honor…and that mentality is triggered by guilt.
Either of these two mindsets brings us to an all-or-nothing mentality. Gone are the many colors of humanity, and all of it’s complex psychological states in between. It reminds me of an old Jewish proverb: “Tell an idiot to go shut the blinds and he runs around shutting all of the blinds in the whole city.”
Even Mother Teresa (now canonized and is Saint Teresa!) knew where to draw the line. When asked in 1967 to go march against the war in Vietnam, she refused, saying something like, “I won’t march against anything. But when you give me something to march for, I’ll be there.” Am I hearing undertones of positive thinking there??? From Mother Teresa? Wow. What a radical concept.
Dudes, we had a living, breathing saint walking among us, and once again, we were too narrow-minded to fully understand where she was coming from. She didn’t wallow in misery. She loved her work. I said, she loved her work. That means, she did something to effect positive change in the world! She worked at it! She never had time to dwell on self pity. She didn’t go banging on my door or yours, looking for someone to pity her and listen to her whining over ten cups of your freshly-brewed coffee and six home-baked, chocolate muffins. She was out there, doing stuff.
As noted in Wikipedia ( http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mother_Teresa ) “Mother Teresa’s Missionaries of Charity at the time of her death had 610 missions in 123 countries including hospices and homes for people with HIV/AIDS, leprosy and tuberculosis, soup kitchens, children’s and family counselling programmes, orphanages and schools. She received numerous awards including the Indian government’s Bharat Ratna in 1980 and the Nobel Peace Prize in 1979.”
Wake up and smell the coffee. It is a great, honorable thing to want to lift someone out of sorrow. I do it often and I feel honored to be afforded that blessed opportunity. I always, always feel wonderful when I can help. As a Life & Career Coach, and Reiki Master, it’s very important to me to heal the planet, one person at a time. But by the same token, it’s also very important for us to be able to understand that there are just some people who would rather give up ten years of their own lives than give up their bad humor. We need to be able to identify who it is that we can help, and who only wants to be emotional vampires…and reserve healing for those ready to accept it. The others will only suck you dry. It’s that simple.
Until next time, brothers and sisters,
Namaste!
Zee.
